Mental Health

Why Do We Want What We Can't Have?

By Dynne C. | Update Date: Dec 04, 2023 12:12 AM EST

Whether it's a person, the trendiest gadget, or the fanciest title, people typically want what they can't have. It may be human nature to behave this way, but there is still the question of why we do this.

This is mostly rooted in people's desire for happiness, belongingness and overall satisfaction. Social conditioning has made it easy for everyone to compare themselves with what is widely recognized as ideal. Humans naturally think that getting the things they want will make them feel better. However, there are other reasons in addition to this nature.

The thrill of the chase

Transformational life coach Manj Bahra explains that the brain works in a way that if something is difficult to achieve, it is more rewarding. So the chase activates the reward system of the brain that is associated with pleasure and motivation. This activity generates feelings of euphoria, which explains why people like the thrill of the chase. 

The dopamine hit

Similarly, chemical reactions in the brain can result in wanting something we can't have. In some cases, wanting something can be due to an experience that the brain recalls as rewarding. In a study, researchers found dopamine's link to desire in a way that it is essential for utilizing learned information to generate successful motivated performance. 

So, in a way, because of experience, a person may fall into the same habit for the slight chance that the same rewarding experience may happen again, even if current evidence says that it is far from happening. A good example is a person intently pursuing a relationship with another despite the second person expressing their disinterest.

The scarcity effect

The scarcity effect is a psychological phenomenon that explains why seeing something rare and expensive makes the subconscious mind believe it is more desirable than something abundant. This is likely why people want to buy "limited edition" designer handbags and other apparel, even if they are more expensive than others.  

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