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How Porn Sites are Destroying Relationships

Update Date: Oct 24, 2012 02:22 PM EDT
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There could be a number of reasons why people break off their relationships, but the latest one getting increasingly common is "addiction to porn sites". While there are many couples who enjoy watching porn, and there are also many who do not mind their partner watching the adult websites, the question is, where to draw the line? What is acceptable and what is not?

When such websites are available in abundance and these videos are just a click away, porn sites are not only destroying the innocent minds of the young much before they reach an age where they would understand what they are seeing, it is also destroying relationships by raising the expectations of those who watch it.

There are many men who are not only addicted to pornography, but also expect their partners to do what exactly is shown in such websites, without realizing that their partner might not be comfortable, or may not be even thinking about it.  

"Internet porn has so changed American relationships that in a 2003 survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, more than half said the Internet played a "significant role" in divorces in the past year, and that online porn contributed to half of these cases," nymag.com had said a report in 2005. Certainly, the condition hasn't got any better, with the ever-growing popularity and easy availability of these sites.

A recent report in BBC's Newsbeat quotes UK's leading relationship advice charities as saying that the growth of online porn has led to more people worrying about the impact it is having on their relationships.

Apparently, the charity has more and more young people going to them with concerns of porn sites have a damaging effect on their sex life.

Addiction to Internet pornography, experts warn, is increasing at an alarming rate.

A study by The University of Plymouth and the UK Safer Internet Center has found that more than a third of the 900 participants interviewed admitted that porn had caused problems in their relationship.

"As porn has become more accessible, this distorts a person's view of what a normal sex life should and could be like. I think it has also made sex more extreme. When you look at a sexual image that is incredibly graphic and exaggerated in terms of sexual performance, it takes away the mystery and the element of experimentation between two people," Relate counsellor Sharon Chapman was quoted as saying by Newsbeat.

She further says that watching pornography is not bad. But one needs to understand when exactly it is taking over their life or behavior, or taking a toll on their relationship.

"I don't think anyone wants to demonize porn. However, nobody should be doing anything they're not absolutely comfortable doing. People will often find themselves looking back thinking, 'Was that right or did I just go along with that because it was what I was expected to?' That's the danger with porn."

When asked "Has porn made people more confused about sex?"

She said: "In some cases, yes. Guys tend to think it's all about performance, they think they've got to be sexual athletes. For girls, it's often about doing things which perhaps they wouldn't normally be comfortable with. Those are the dilemmas people come to us with."

People increasingly get under pressure of either performing well, or, for girls, looking and behaving like those in the videos. It is important for couples to understand that such adult videos are a larger-than-life image of "how sex should be", and expecting one's partner to behave exactly like what they watch on such sites completely eliminates the exclusivity of one's chemistry and experimentation with the one they love.

Chapman further advises: "I don't think anybody, whatever age, should be doing anything they're not comfortable with. It's about pushing the pause button and having the courage to say, 'I don't want to do that yet. I want to think about that.' If you can't talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend, find someone else to talk to about it."

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