Mental Health

How to Stop Over-Apologizing at Home, at Work and in Your Relationship

By Dynne C. | Update Date: Nov 16, 2023 01:19 AM EST

It may be a trauma response, a sense of false guilt, or a subconscious way to please people - whatever the reason, some people tend to over-apologize, and if it has become a habit, it may be difficult to stop. However, it is not impossible. Here are some ways to stop over-apologizing.

At home

Children are often taught to be kind by prioritizing the needs of others. However, clinical psychologist Jacqueline Baulch says that it goes beyond being nice, and people would end up altering their behavior for the approval of others. Some carry this behavior as adults and become people pleasers. Jocelyn Hamsher, a psychotherapist, explains that people pleasers over-apologize to avoid making others uncomfortable. This is true even at home. 

To avoid over-apologizing at home, learn to say "no," especially in uncomfortable situations. Identify what you should and should not apologize for. That way, you are setting your boundaries without having to explain yourself.

At work

Over-apologizing can be a sign of low self-esteem and anxiety. At work, when you over-apologize, you might lose your confidence, and in turn, your coworkers will lose confidence in you. 

To avoid this, learn the value of accountability. Evaluate the situation and if you actually make a mistake, apologize once and find a solution. Moving forward, learn to turn your language into something more positive. For example, instead of saying sorry for a typo in an email, you can say, "Thank you for catching that error."

In your relationship

Communication and understanding are important in a relationship. However, over-apologizing can lead to resentment and frustration

Clinical psychologist and author of "Prescription Without Pills" Susan Heitler explains that there needs to be a balance in relationships. Over-apologizing can indicate an abusive relationship, while not apologizing at all can indicate narcissistic behavior. The balance is found with bilateral apologies, where you and your partner recognize your roles in a conflict. Therefore, in a relationship, accountability is essential to avoid the damage of over-apologizing.

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