Experts

Rejecting Suitors Face-to-Face is Harder than People Believe

By Cheri Cheng | Update Date: Nov 22, 2014 09:13 AM EST

A lot of people believe that rejecting suitors would be a fairly easy task. However, when the hypothetical situation becomes real, rejecting someone face-to-face becomes a lot harder, a new study reported.

"When actually faced with a potential date, we don't like to reject a person and make them feel bad, which is not necessarily something that people anticipate when they imagine making these choices," the study's lead researcher, Samantha Joel from the University of Toronto, said according to the university's news release. "The fact that we underestimate how concerned we'll feel about hurting the other person's feelings may help to explain why people's dating decisions often don't match up with their stated dating preferences."

For this study, the team conducted two experiments. In the first one, participants had to create a dating profile and look at three potential suitors, who were also participants. The participants were then divided into two groups. The first group was placed in a real life situation and could meet the suitor whereas the other group was given a hypothetical situation.

After giving the participants pictures of attractive and unattractive suitors, the participants had to fill out a questionnaire regarding the date. The researchers found that participants in the real life situation group were more likely to accept a date from an unattractive suitor whereas participants from the hypothetical group were more likely to reject the same suitor.

"I think it's incredible that people care so much about not hurting the feelings of potential dates who they haven't even met if they think they'll actually meet them," said Joel.

In the second experiment, the same two groups of participants were presented with suitors that had undesirable traits. The participants completed a survey about whether or not they would go on a date with the suitor. The team found that once again, people in real life situations were less likely to reject the suitor. People in hypothetical ones, however, were more likely to say no to a date.

Joel added, "Next, I'd like to explore how much this concern might come into play when people make later, perhaps more serious relationship decisions."

The study "People overestimate their willingness to reject potential romantic partners by overlooking their concern for other people," was published in Psychological Science.

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