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Saying NO to a Date Face to Face is Difficult: Study

By Peter R | Update Date: Nov 23, 2014 10:25 PM EST

Rejecting a romantic proposal is not as easy as you may imagine, a new study claims.

Researchers at University of Toronto and Yale University found that it is easy to reject unsuitable proposals hypothetically but when such proposals are made in person, it is harder. 

"When actually faced with a potential date, we don't like to reject a person and make them feel bad, which is not necessarily something that people anticipate when they imagine making these choices. The fact that we underestimate how concerned we'll feel about hurting the other person's feelings may help to explain why people's dating decisions often don't match up with their stated dating preferences," said lead researcher Samantha Joel in a press release.

To arrive at these conclusions, researchers asked study participants to complete their dating profiles, following which they were given three profiles of other participants. The participants were then split into two groups - real and hypothetical. Participants in the real group were told they could meet their dates while the hypothetical group participants had to contend with imaging such a meeting.

The participants were then asked to select one favourite profile from the three given to them. Additional information including a photograph of an unattractive person was provided along with a completed questionnaire of the selected choice. Participants were also asked to complete a similar questionnaire and were told it would be given to their dates.

Researchers found that those in the real group were more likely to accept their dates despite finding the other person unattractive, to not hurt their proposed date's feelings.

Next, researchers set out to determine if qualities and traits, not just appearances, influenced their hypothesis. Participants were given a questionnaire containing information about potential that was incompatible with their own views. The participants were asked to respond by filling out a questionnaire that would be given to their dates.

Similar to the first finding, the hypothetical group were more likely to reject proposals compared to the real group.

"I think it's incredible that people care so much about not hurting the feelings of potential dates who they haven't even met if they think they'll actually meet them. Next, I'd like to explore how much this concern might come into play when people make later, perhaps more serious relationship decisions," Joel said. 

The research was published in the journal Psycological Science

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